Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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