dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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