Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
