YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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