I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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