You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize