I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
