i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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