Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
