We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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