Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize