garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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