she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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