So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
