I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
