she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
