Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
