Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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