Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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