"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
