he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
