She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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