Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
