Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
