Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
