I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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