Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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