There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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