He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
