ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Still dying that you shit outside
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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