I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Randomize
