It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize