i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
