I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
