I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
