mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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