he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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