the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
