non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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