You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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