Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
What a dumb baby whore.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
