She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
