Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
