Jerry, you need to find god
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
