just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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