I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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