And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
