bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
