Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
