Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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