So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
