My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
