Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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