So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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