my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
