I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
