If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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