I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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