ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
