i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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