I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
