U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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