I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
