I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
