You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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