i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
