so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
